Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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