There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
