guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
