You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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