Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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