Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
