If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
