Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
