he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
