Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
