Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
