No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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