is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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