I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
