You're so nebulous sometimes
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
