I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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