So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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