The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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