Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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