I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
