Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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