I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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