Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
