even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
