Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I need water and some morals
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
