one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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