He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
