she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
