Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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