I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
