Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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