Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
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Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
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I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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