Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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