i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
