While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
