A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
