He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
