Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
