He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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