he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
