god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
