Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
bring money and cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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