I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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