dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
