glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
