you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
