shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
