I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
there was a trapeze. enough said
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i will never coherently bang her
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
