Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
