Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
