So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
