Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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