Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
