the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
