Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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