So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
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I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
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Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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