I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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