I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
