Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
