I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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