whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
