Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
