her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
