Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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