I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
