An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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