we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
