Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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