I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
