she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
