how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
