Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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