...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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